Wednesday, April 11, 2012

An Ode to Motherhood

I’ve come to realize in the past 9 months that being a mother isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. For some reason I had the delusion that I would be the perfect mother without making any type of mistakes, which I’ve come to know is certainly not true.

Having Hannah has made me come to grips with the fact that things are positively out of my control and there is nothing I could do about it. For those of you that know me very well, I tend to have OCD tendencies and learning to release certain things has been so difficult for me.

Here are some of my thoughts about how crazy/fun and imperfect motherhood can be:

  1. The hardest thing I’ve had to deal with and still am dealing with is that my house will never be clean for the next 18 years. This is where my OCD comes out and it kills me that there are toys everywhere, and it basically looks like Babies R US vomited all over my house.
  2. Dinnertime will no longer be quiet moments between Travis and myself. It’s more like eating, entertaining, and feeding Hannah while trying to have a conversation about how your day went.
  3. Sleep deprivation is one of the worst experiences of parenthood. Enough said!
  4. Phone conversations are extremely difficult to have unless Hannah is sleeping. The honest truth is, the last thing I want to do when I have a half an hour free is talk to someone on the phone when I would much rather just watch tv, sleep or have a moment to myself.
  5. You will continuously run late to anything you have to attend. It’s like a production to get out of the house.
  6. I have learned to multi-task in ways I never thought possible. What I used to get done throughout the course of the day for chores before Hannah was born can get done in a hour or two while she is napping or in bed for the night.
  7. You will do anything wacky to make your child smile.
  8. I’d rather spend time with my child especially since I work full-time than hang out with friends. I have a tendency to cancel on people because I feel guilty about leaving her.
  9. I’ve realized that I took my time with Travis for granted because those 60 minutes at night that we get to spend together just watching tv are precious.
  10. There are times I want to rip my hair out of my head and think about life before mommy hood, but then Hannah smiles and laughs and that make my whole life worthwhile.
  11. I would rather buy clothes and toys for Hannah than buy anything for myself. Shopping for her is so much fun!
  12. Things are unable to happen on a schedule, as much as I would like them to. Hannah will not always go down for naps when she should even though she’s exhausted, dinner will not always happen every night, housework will not get done, laundry will pile up, etc…
  13. Church services at night during Advent and Lent won’t work for us. As I saw this past week, I tried to take Hannah to Maundy Thursday service at 7:30pm and she screamed her head off so we had to leave.
  14. The excitement on her face when I haven’t seen her all day totally makes my day.
  15. Travis and I have learned to become accustomed to working around Hannah’s schedule.
  16. I love love love love cloth diapers!!
  17. Poop becomes part of your everyday vocabulary.
  18. Never ever leave the house without her pacifier! I’ve done this once and I thought the world was going to end.
  19. My husband is the most wonderful father to our daughter. He has surprised me in more ways than I thought possible, which has made me love him even more.
  20. Seeing Hannah first thing in the morning with her enormous amount of bedhead and beautiful smile is something I look forward to on the mornings I don’t have work.

Life may not always be perfect, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. We have made mistakes as parents, and I know we will make many many more. Having a child may not be easy, truth be told parenting is one of the hardest things to do in life, but she brightens my life in every way, shape and form possible.